"This Radiohead album is as good as a dead baby."

Pitchfork reviewers all seem to think they’re Oscar Wilde when they’re really Oscar The Grouch.

"this album is horrifying" and "this isn't even music" can be twisted into compliments on no wave/avant garde

The irony of the Lateralus review is that a tool reviews the Tool)

'Self-Righteous Snare Drums' is my new band name

Reading that Bleed American review makes me want to set Ryan Schreiber on fire.

I read the Kid A review to my brother in law who's a die-hard Radiohead fan, and halfway through he made me stop because it was making him hate Radiohead.

You know, one of the negative stereotypes about critics is that they're failed artists that couldn't make it in the industry. And going through this list with all of the mangled metaphors, overdramatic reactions, and completely clueless hot takes, it genuinely feels like most if not all of these guys are only writing reviews because no one will touch anything else they make.

The Brent guy was hipster before Hipsters became more infamous.

How to know a record is good: Pitchfork gave it a 6.8

That Kid A sounds like some weird ass self-insert fanfic a K-Pop fan would write.

My face when I read the Zaireeka review: 0.0

The Lateralus review is an absolute mindfuck, it’s almost unreadable.

As much as I hate Pitchfork for some of its reviews, I'm happy it exists honestly.

Wow, Pitchfork is snobby as all hell.

Yo crash, lookin good my man. The workouts are payin off homeboy.

I nearly died of laughter at the Radiohead Kid A review.